I Owe You An Apology
by tiberius1
Summary: Jool begins to rethink her reaction to Talyn's destruction of the Med Ship. Perhaps Crais was not at fault. Set after IYYY through ITLD
1. Chapter 1

_I Owe You An Apology_

**Rating:** PG

**Setting: **In between _I Yensch, You Yensch_ and _Into the Lions Den: Lambs to the Slaughter_. A missing scene between Crais and Jool.

**Disclaimer:** Farscape still doesn't belong to me. Henson, Hallmark, Channel 9, et al still own the rights. I'm merely borrowing the characters to have some fun and promise to return them unharmed.

**A/N:** Normally, I would be thanking my lovely beta, but well, my muses have been very silent since I issued the challenge and only gave me this story on Saturday. So, all mistakes are 100 mine.

Chapter 1

Jool was in the center chamber, fuming over what Talyn had done to the Med Ship. She felt betrayed that Crais had allowed the gunship to destroyed it. When she and Crais had worked together on the Boolite, she had begun to feel that he was finally someone onboard Moya who might be her intellectual equal. He might have been a Peacekeeper, but he was more intelligent than any she had encountered or heard of. Peacekeepers were supposed to be militaristic barbarians.

John and Aeryn had just returned from shutting the gunship down and had come to the center chamber. They were speaking in a conversational tone about what they had just witnessed. She couldn't help overhearing what it had been like. They were both still shocked at how emotional Crais had been. She had a hard time fathoming that a Peace—former Peacekeeper could be so attached to something non-Sebacean.

Aeryn expressed concern for Crais's well-being, and John was surprisingly supportive. From what she knew about how John felt about Crais, this sort of sympathy was the last thing she had expected.

Could she have been wrong when she had blamed Crais for the destruction of the Med Ship?

Deciding she needed to find out for herself, she started searching for him. After half an arn, she still had not located him. Knowing that Moya was very large and that there were many places he could be, she decided to ask Pilot. He told her that Crais could be found on the Terrace.

The door to the Terrace opened, and she found him staring across the chasm of space at the lifeless gunship. She stood just inside the door for quite some time, observing the man and the Leviathan that had become part of him. From the way he was standing, she could tell that he was grieving. To her, seeing him show a visible sign of weakness seemed uncharacteristic.

Finally, she stepped forward and said softly, "Bialar?"

He quickly spun around, surprised at being disturbed. "What do you want?" he asked sharply.

She could not blame him for his defensive attitude. After all, she had attacked him. The resolve that she had started her quest with was beginning to falter. "I, er…" She became more nervous under the glare he was giving her. Looking at her feet, she continued. "I'm sorry I blamed you." When he didn't immediately answer, she looked up and saw the suspicious expression on his face.

"I do not desire your pity." Turning his back on her, he returned his gaze to Talyn.

Without his eyes piercing into her soul, she could feel her resolve returning and stepped closer to him, almost next to him. "I—shouldn't have blamed you for what Talyn did to the Med Ship. I know now that he was not well, that you did not order him to fire." Another uncomfortable silence followed. She knew that part of him wanted to be alone, but she was sure there was another part, a part that he buried, that didn't. When she had first arrived on Moya, she had been an outsider and knew how painful being alone was. "Tell me about him?" she asked gently.

He looked at her, a softer expression on his face. "Why do you want to know about him?"

"I've heard Chiana and Rygel talking about him. He seems fascinating. That Peacekeeper and Leviathan technology could be blended so well is astounding."

He smiled sadly. "Perhaps that two were not blended so well. I believe that I gave him too much of myself, even before I transferred engrams."

"But he was changed when Xhalax tried to take control of him."

"Some, but there was so much of me in him originally that the changes were negligible."

"Do you think you can repair him?"

There were several microts of silence before he answered. "I don't know. I hope so. He deserves better than what I have given him."

"You did the best you could." She wanted to reach out for him, to comfort him, but she could tell from his body language that her touch would be unwelcome.

"I was too arrogant. I have learned much since that day I first joined with him."

She was pleased that he seemed to be opening up to her. For the next arn, she kept him talking, telling her about Talyn from the conception of the program to their return to Moya. She was not going to ask him to talk about shutting Talyn down. If he ever felt comfortable talking about that, she would be there for him.

"Would you like to get something to eat?" she asked.

He gave Talyn one last look. "I think that would be a good idea."

While they ate, she asked a question that had been bothering her for some time. "Why did you volunteer to infiltrate the Command Carrier and stop Scorpius?"

"Two reasons. The first is that I have seen first hand what wormholes can do, and I can only imagine the horror Scorpius could wreak with them. I do not believe he would be content using them solely against Scarrans. The second… I knew that Talyn was not well, that he needed help that only the resources of that Command Carrier could provide. I did not realize how far gone he was. I can only hope that I am not too late to help him."

She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. "You've done the best you could, and I'm sure you will continue to do what is best for him. If anyone can help him recover, you are the one to do it."

He sighed and smiled weakly. "While I appreciate your confidence in my abilities, it may be misplaced. What I did to shut him down… It is likely that he will be changed."

"For the better. You will make him more stable. While the others don't believe in you, I do."

"Thank you, Jool. Now, if you will excuse me. Since we will be leaving soon, I need to gather the information I will need to take with me to the Command Carrier."

As she watched him leave, she noticed that he was standing straighter than he had when she had found him on the Terrace. Finally, she had found a kindred spirit on Moya. Once Talyn was repaired, she would ask him if he wanted a traveling companion.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Jool couldn't believe what had just happened. When they returned to Moya, Aeryn and John briefed everyone on exactly what had happened. No one could believe that Crais had willingly sacrificed himself.

Now, she definitely felt lost and alone. She had no idea what she would do. There was no reason for her to remain on Moya, but where we would she go? It had been twenty-two cycles since she had been frozen. Longer since she had left home. Surely, her family had grieved for her. A part of her thought it would be best if she didn't return home. She would have to explain her absence and what had happened to her cousins. Her family was sure to be disappointed that the three of them had turned to theft, no matter how noble their intentions. They would ostracize her, so there was no returning home.

Perhaps she could find some other Interions. Her race had academics conducting research on many worlds. They would not be as likely to ask questions about where she had been, and she would be amongst those who appreciated her intellect.

She had been wandering aimlessly since her conversation with Pilot, barely remembering to sleep or eat. Time had lost all meaning. She didn't feel like sitting in her quarters, and she didn't really want to be around the others. While they had been shocked at what Crais had done, they were mourning the gunship more than the man. It pained her that no one appreciated Crais and the magnitude of his sacrifice.

_"Joolushku, do you have time to join me in the Den?"_ asked Pilot over her comms.

She wondered what Pilot had to tell her. Could he possibly have found her people already? "I'll be there shortly." She tried not to run, but hurried nonetheless. "What is it, Pilot? Have you found my people?"

"No. Moya has received and decrypted a message. A message for you." He handed her a datachip.

Tentatively, she took it. "For me? From who?"

"It is from Captain Crais," he said sadly. "The DRD will lead you to someplace private where you can view it."

"Thank you, Pilot."

Once she was left alone, she fumbled with the datachip, not quite sure what to do with it. If Crais had survived, surely Pilot would have been more excited and Moya would be on her way to their location. Instead, they were heading for the Leviathan's sacred space to bury what little they had found of Talyn.

Finally, she inserted the chip.

A small holo-image of Crais appeared on the table and began speaking. "Jool, if you are receiving this message, it means that we were successful. I regret that I was not able to speak with you personally before I acted. No one could know of my plan. I could not risk Scorpius discovering what was about to happen.

"I know that you will question my decision. As I told you before, Scorpius cannot be allowed to have control of wormholes. The only way to do that is to destroy the command carrier. Conducting starburst inside the hangar is the best way to accomplish that. It will allow most of those onboard to escape. I could not have the lives of those who were once my crew on my hands.

"I will truly miss the opportunity to travel with you. I came to enjoy your company and learned that we are more alike than I thought. I believe we could have learned much from each other, and I have no doubt that Talyn would have shared your intellectual curiosity. I wish you the best of luck in your travels. I do not know if you will remain on Moya, but they are good beings. They are misunderstood and naturally distrustful, but they are good and honorable. You could ask for no more loyal companions.

"Goodbye, Jool. And thank you for saving my life when Talyn and I were injured."

As the holo-image disappeared, she found that tears were streaming down her cheeks. None of the others had told her thank you. And he had sent her a message. She had never expected and explanation from him, but he had given it to her.

"Pilot," she said to her comms.

_"Yes, Joolushku?"_

"Does Moya have sensor records from the destruction of the command carrier?"

_"Yes."_

"I'd like to review them." She had to know if there was a possibility that Crais and Talyn could have survived. Moya's databanks had to have information and starburst and recorded sensor readings from the many starburst that she had conducted over her life. With all that information, she was sure to find out if it was at least possible that the two of them had survived. After all, they had not found much of Talyn. While they had found one of his fins, it was not a main structural member. Surely Talyn could survive without it.

And if they had survived, she was going to find them, even if it might take cycles and she searched alone, she would find them.


End file.
